Not a shout, but a whisper

I'm not sure if it is just because of the difference between the Precious First Born and the 2nd pregnancy, but I know that we haven't gone about things in the same way this time round.  Both Adam's pregnancy and this one were planned pregnancies and both much loved, but it's true that the first is most magical as it's all new and a brave new world.   Or.... I could be thinking that because with Adam's pregnancy I glowed with health, and this time I'm like a shivering boaking creature from a swamp... things like that effect how one considers events!

With Adam's pregnancy we were so anxious and excited about telling people we were expecting, that we were going to be turning from a married couple into parents.   This time round the words "I'm pregnant" have tumbled out at different weeks to different people in different ways.

With Adam's pregnancy I remember that I didn't feel pregnant until I saw the scan, I couldn't believe it was true until I saw him on the screen.   This time round I have been sick pretty much since the day the fertilised egg implanted itself in my womb so I have always felt pregnant with this pregnancy, even before I got a positive test result.

My official NHS scan hasn't happened yet - will happen in a week - but I had a scan on Friday when I was staying in hospital for HG, which showed us that the baby is growing, has a heartbeat and looks normal.   Also, there is only one foetus, not the triplets I'd been fearing!

I didn't plan to tell people when I did, nor in the way I did.   But recent situations tripped me up and I had to tell people.   My parents found out about a week after we did;   I was being so sick I needed them to help me with Adam.     I told a few very close friends because I needed to have someone to rant to about how sick I was!   Andrew told his closest friends too.   We planned to have everyone else wait in the 'proper' fashion till 12 weeks.

Then I was admitted to hospital for 2 days last week and people found out from that.   After I was discharged I decided to go public.  So this week I'll be telling the rest of our friends and family and this blog will be trotted out a lot more too.

We're pregnant, not quite 12 weeks yet, but getting there.  

When I was lying in hospital rigged up to my 5th fluid drip and waiting for my friends Maggi and Jessica to come visit me I was reading my Bible.   I've always loved 1 Peter and have pretty much highlighted the whole book at one stage or another!   The following jumped out at me, and lives in my mind now,

"You have not seen Christ, but still you love him.  You cannot see him now, but you believe in him.   So you are filled with a joy that cannot be explained, a joy full of glory..."

1 Peter 1:8

I'm not comparing my child to Jesus (!) but I am referring to the love and patience required in thinking of both the return of Jesus and the birth of my child.    Lying in that hospital I was miserable thinking about all the pain I was feeling.  Yet in the midst of that I was loving my husband, the son I already had at home and the growing baby in my womb.   I was full of joy that I was pregnant and am aware that many women would love to be pregnant at all, and many sick women would love the care of a hospital. 

I saw my child when the consultant scanned me on Friday and I was happy that he or she was alive and happy that I too was alive!   I believe that he or she will be born in August and I trust that my sickness will die down and hopefully die away. 

As it is I am feeling sick pretty much all day until I fall asleep at night, but each day I'm getting closer to the middle of pregnancy when HG commonly fades.

I hope, I hope, I hope.