Too many worries about how they will be perceived, or misunderstood.
Too many distractions with real life and daily living.
But I think about posting often.
The whole family is excited about an upcoming visit home my brother is making from his army base. We can't wait to hear his stories, and update him on the slow-changing lives we have.
A friend told me that the first home visit her son made from the army was like welcoming home a stranger. She said she met him at the gates and wondered who the tall, strong man was. He'd matured so much from his experiences, albeit brief, and she had to 're-learn' him all over again. She said that happened each time she saw him, especially as the visits home became less frequent.
I'm scared of that. I do love my brother, but I moved out of home when he was barely a teenager, so in my head he's still 12 years old and kicking a football in the front garden. Him working, having a girlfriend and driving always made me tic a bit, and I had to remind myself that he was an adult just like me.
But now he's gone so far away and his experiences are so vastly different from mine I'm scared that he'll be unrecognisable when we meet again. I think I'm being paranoid, as any texts or letters we've had have been good.
I'm not sure what I'm worried about really: him or myself. Partly I feel like I need him to stay as I remember him so it doesn't challenge my own view of myself. I'm the oldest, I'm the bossy one, I'm the smart one.
Anyway, it doesn't make much odds. The home visit will be nice, the kids will be delighted and it will be a short, sharp glimpse back into what used to be his reality.